ironic.

I never mention this out loud but IT IS something that I always want (badly). To such extent, that mentally I realize that i will never be truthfully happy if i didn't even try. 

My mind is a mess when I think about this; I tense up with just the thought. It like preparing a war with reality, before it even happened. I guess it just human nature to be overprotecting of themselves before receiving any negative incoming.

I can’t convince myself to be happy with the way I am, I know I not. My mind is just fill with envy and strong desire of wanting to feel good about myself.

“Something I want may not be something I need” I thought of that countless times.

Am I afraid of being judge? After having so much convention between the two mini me, I no longer care. I mean I get that not everyone thinks in the same circle neither do they accept and acknowledge the same things.

I want to be honest about it rather than to hide it. If you don’t like where you are, then change it you are not a tree. I think all of these, are just a matter of choices.  

Yes or no?